I’m back! 
Wonderful… ;)
The following entry is from The Daily Encounter — my ever-reliable source of inspirational reading. The article reminds to ask God to heal me so that I’ll be a “wonderful” person… )
Wonderful or Wonder-empty
“Behold, You [God] desire truth in the innermost being, And in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom.”1
Some people you meet are very warm, genuine and connected. Others seem to be cold and distant. Their life seems rather flat line, dull, and even boring. I’m not talking about times of sickness, sadness or sorrow but this is how they are pretty much most of the time.
Why are some people like the latter group? One of a number of reasons is because they are repressed in their emotional life. Chances are that they grew up with a sense that emotions—especially negative emotions—were not acceptable, so they learned early in life to bury and deny them. Or they may have been hurt deeply as a child and found that they had to stuff their emotions in order to survive. It may sound crude but it is a fact of life that the stuff we stuff stuffs up our lives. This can cause all sorts of emotional, physical, relational and/or spiritual problems.
Emotions are God-given and are a vital part of a healthy, mature life. We are not talking about emotionalism which is a cover of true emotions. We are talking about being connected to our inner self and being in touch with all of our God-given emotions. If my emotions are buried and I am disconnected from them and my inner self, I cannot be truly connected to anyone else or to God at any kind of intimate level. At best, my relationships will be very shallow.
Furthermore, when emotions are repressed, instead of life being wonder-full, it may be wonder-empty. As such I will characteristically be bored with life.
If one’s life is wonder-empty, how do we overcome? How do we get connected to our inner self? In younger days my emotions were very much buried. I was doing all the right things outwardly but inwardly I felt very empty and, among other things, was disconnected to my emotion of wonder. Much of this was caused by growing up in a very dysfunctional family. I was taught that you couldn’t trust your emotions, but my life was so empty that I got down on my knees and asked God to give me my emotions back anyhow. Whew, God answered in a way that was the exact opposite of what I expected. My world fell apart. I was rejected by the most important person in my life and felt torn apart. But this was the beginning of getting in touch with all my emotions and my inner-self and learning to live and love again.
It took a long time and a lot of counseling but I can truly say that life for me has never been better. I am physically healthier than I was at half my age and my life is filled with love, loving relationships, and fulfillment.
Apparently Renoir, the famous artist, kept painting in his older years even though he was in great physical pain. In relating to Renoir’s suffering his friend, Matisse, said to him, “Why do you keep painting when you are in so much pain?” to which Renoir replied, “The pain passes but the beauty remains!” And so it is with us, if we commit and trust our life to God and ask him to confront us with our reality so that we become fully connected to our inner self, we may go through some very painful experiences (that are often needed to break through our defenses) but, in time, our pain will pass but the beauty of our life will last forever.
Suggested prayer: “Dear God, in keeping with your desire please help me to be connected to my inner self and always be honest with myself and with you and thus grow up into the fullness of my salvation. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus’ name, Amen.”
Pax Christi
Pax Christi means mastery of the wayward self and total submission to God and his ways. It endures life’s storms and trials and, as a gift, makes others endure their own trails and sufferings. It is the perfect gift freely given, without conditions or prerequisites.
stress… never again
 never again, never again… i’m so stressed out now!
 this is a tough week and i’m begun to feel it since yesterday. i have loads of papers that need to be submitted in public policy by wednesday and i’m not even half-way through it. my eyes are hurting now; hopefully not sore eyes.. twil be a big challenge to hurdle.
the daily encounter, my ever-releiable source of reflection, has the posting below that reminded me about managing my life (and self) — particularly how i’m pushing myself in handling stress.
i’ve always told myself that i don’t want myself to be all-so-stressed out again but i usually find myself in the same situation… and definitely not liking it. this thing will soon pass but i have to learn my lesson… the hard reality that i have myself to blame in putting so much stress in my life.
never again, never again… i don’t want to be in this stage situation
 ”A relaxed attitude lengthens a man’s life.”
I remember reading about a small bridge in a rural area. Its load limit was ten tons. It served its community very well for thirty years until a twelve-ton truck tried to cross it. The added stress was beyond the bridge’s capacity—it collapsed under the extra load.
We’re all like that. Each of us has a limit as to how much stress we can handle before we break. It is well documented that too much stress is a killer. Thus we need to know just how much we can handle and learn to limit the load we carry.
However, even though my load limit may be “ten or fifteen tons,” if I’m not flexible and able to bend with the winds of adversity and learn how to go with the flow of life’s circumstances, I may collapse well below my load limit.
Furthermore, as the Bible taught three thousand years ago, we also need to learn how to have a relaxed attitude in the midst of stressful and pressured situations.
While it isn’t easy, in a nutshell we need to limit the load we attempt to carry, eat right, exercise regularly, work hard but take time to relax, laugh a lot, cry when we are sad, never bottle up negative emotions but learn to express them in healthy ways. And above all, we need to learn to commit and trust our life to God every day!
“Suggested prayer: “Dear God, please help me in the midst of my pressured and stressful life to learn how to limit my load and, above all, trust you in every area of my life. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’ name, Amen.”
welcome back!!!
it’s been a while since I last posted here. I was just thinking about a lot of things to write but would usually find myself postpoming it.
 well, it’s time to start activiting this page again.
hopefully this, i’d more candid. hahaha! for all i care… whaaaaa!Â
but usually that’s the case of having an online journal: there are times that i started to write something but would usually abandon it thnking of the ‘what if’s’. but i’ve also came to think about of the “what if not’s”… well, that’s me… and another of my self-talk.
welcome back! 
Â
today i will make a difference
Today I Will Make a DifferenceÂ
Today I will make a difference. I will begin by controlling my thoughts. A person is the product of his thoughts. I want to be happy and hopeful. Therefore, I will have thoughts that are happy and hopeful. I refused to be victimized by my circumstances. I will not let petty inconveniences such as stoplights, long lines and traffic jams be my masters. I will avoid negativism and gossip. Optimism will be my companion, and victory will be my hallmark. Today I will make a difference. Â
I will be grateful for the twenty-four hours that are before me. Time is a precious commodity. I refuse to allow what little time I have to be contaminated by self-pity, anxiety or boredom. I will live the day with joy of a child and the courage of a giant. I drink each minute as though it is my last. When tomorrow comes, today will be gone forever. While it is here, I will use it for loving and living. Today I will make a difference. Â
I will not let past failures haunt me. Even though my life is scarred with mistakes, I refuse to rummage through my trash heap of failures. I will admit them. I will correct them. I will press on victoriously. No failure is fatal. It is OK to stumble… I will get up. It’s OK to fail… I will rise again. Today I will make a difference. Â
I will spend time with those I love…. my spouse, my children, my family. A man can own the whole world but be poor for the lack of love. A man can own nothing and yet be wealthy in relationships. Today I will spend at least five minutes with the significant people in my world. Five quality minutes of talking or hugging or thanking or listening. Five unlimited minutes with my mate, children and friends. Â
Today I will make a difference.
lost love
i still have our picture in my cellphone
i can still remember the details of how she smiles
it was in 2000
it was 7 years ago
she caught my attention
she awakened my heart
light blue
seafoodsÂ
nylon shells
lrt/mrt
portrait
abs-cbn
texts messages
yellow rose
She
MARIEN “IEN” GONZALES
she was never mine… i was not willing to take the risk… she was someone special… i wanted to be inlove… she felt it… i am here… she is there…
i’m just an ordinary guy from the province
she’s surrounded by beautiful people
i’m your average guy
she’s driving a car!
i’m insecure
she felt it, so i say
23Â December 2006
IEN GONZALES-LOPEZ….
she’s married
she was never mine
she was special
brunch Christmas party
we had our brunch office Christmas party today… where in the world have you heard of BRUNCH Christmas party??? hehehe anyway, it’s something different thus time. the preparation was simple – we had pizza, salad and pasta from afrique’s.
yesterday Jen and Dianne distribute their gifts to us. I got a bottle of wine and a spa gift certificate the girls are really sweet. Â as a practice (tradition), we also give out our gifts to everybody in the office. Â for the Jen, i bought a lavender knitted shawl and got Dianne a blue native necklace. i gave to marlon my black shirt and for the rest of the boys (ivan, lymbergh, nereo and tope), it was the 365 Days with the Lord book. lorenz was right when he told me that the guys will not complain about my gift since its the Word of God. jen like the shawl and Dianne was pleased with her necklace. oh, nereo gave me a ceramic canister, marlon had a nice bottle opener and francis gave me a CD entittled Lovers’ Bossa Nova.
butz , ting, joie and carl joined in our office brunch christmas party…
money
Money is your means of survival. The verdict you pronounce upon the source of your livelihood is the verdict you pronounce upon your life. If the source is corrupt, you have damned your own existence. Did you get your money by fraud? By pandering to men’s vices or men’s stupidity? By catering to fools, in the hope of getting more than your ability deserves? By lowering your standards? By doing work you despise for purchasers your scorn? If so, then your money will not give you a moment’s or a penny’s worth of joy. Then all the things you buy will become, not a tribute to you, but a reproach; not an achievement, but a reminder of shame. Then you’ll scream that money is evil. Evil, because it would not pinch-hit for your self-respect? Evil, because it would not let you enjoy your depravity?
by: Ayn Rand
valkyries
last night i finished reading paulo coelho’s valkyries. it’s about the author’s 40-day journey in the quest to talk to his guardian angel. accompanied by his wife chris, they went to the desert to find people that will lead them to paulo’s angel. there they met Gene, a 19-year old magus(magician), who told paulo that he was able to find and talk to his angel through the help of the valkyries. it turned out that the valkyries is a group of women motorcycle riders that travels the desert in order to preach about New Age.
i was happy i finished another of coelhos’ books… it was a christmas gift from lorenz last year. review coming soon….. hopefully  Â
jaypresaldo